Musings and Amusings

When Hub and I started dating, ski trainwe occasionally rode the weekend ski train to Winter Park, which was such a luxury because after a chilly day on the slopes, we could all party relax on the train on the ride home.

One Saturday, a fellow passenger  – who obviously partied relaxed too hearty – stared cross-eyed at Hub and me cuddling in our seat then slurred, “Zou look like brudder and zizter.”

Ewwwwwww

We weren’t dressed alike that day but since then, when we see a couple dressed alike, we look at each other, “Promise me. Never!”

I’m not talking about those bad-dude, leather-decked, heavily tattoed bikers with their wind-whipped babes on the back of their hawgs. They’re wearing BLACK and you know how much I *heart* black.

I’m talking about those harmless little white-haired, stoop-shouldered elders Blue Jacket 1in their MATCHING pale blue jackets. What is it about the elderly and pastels – especially blue? Is there some rule like the “No white shoes until Memorial Day” that decrees once you reach 85, your jacket has to be pastel blue? And if you’re married and 85, your jackets have to match?

No siree! Not only will you never catch me in a pastel blue jacket, you’ll never catch Hub and me in matching apparel anything.
 

        * cricket  cricket  cricket * (sound of uneasy silence)

 
Fine. That’s not quite true.

I have another Sammy Secret.

If I tell you, I’m going to have to kill you. Some secrets are just that embarrassing sacred.

I’ve never had a waist to speak of. I’m best described as a tree trunk. Fairly straight up and down as in: thick waist + smallish hips = straight up and down.

Consequently I’ve always had trouble finding pants that fit. Women’s lower-half clothing is designed for pears and apples, not tree trunks.

If I get pants wide enough for my waist, they are too big for my hips. If I size down for my hips, they squeeze my waist. In addition my legs are short enough that I have to shop in the “petite” section. Did you know petite means “very sparse selection”?

Worst of all, whether petite or regular size, clothing is invariably too short/tight in the crotch resulting in a wedgie-like condition to the extent that I find it utterly painful to sit and barely tolerable to stand.

Two summers ago when I pulled my skorts and shorts from the closet, I realized a sadistic prankster had snuck in and shrunk everything. Nothing fit.

Cruelly, I was faced with that dreaded trip to the clothing store. The thought made me a little crazy.

I cannot justify or live down what I did next, but for some inexplicable reason instead of heading to the store, I opened Hub’s dresser drawer; removed a pair of his white briefs; and put them on.

What’s even more shocking than trying them on is discovering they fit! (Why do men’s butts get skinnier and women’s get wider as we age?) Sure there was a little excess room in the frontal area, but crotch-wise, hip-wise and waist-wise, the briefs fit. Comfortably!

I swear I’m not a cross-dresser and I wasn’t seeking a new line of underwear (like I said, inexplicable impulse).

But I desperately needed summer apparel for my bottom half. Why not shop in Hub’s closet?

Lo and behold, his black shorts fit me perfectly! Not only were they tree-trunk straight, but they had oh-so-comfy crotch space for my delicate self.

I raced to the store; bee-lined for the Men’s-Is-the-New-Women’s Department; and returned with 3 black, 1 tan and 1 gray pair of shorts.

010

 

I pulled out my Perma marker and tattoed my labels so we could tell them apart in the wash.
001

 

009

 

Mission accomplished, I poured myself a gin & tonic and toasted my Fashionista Coup. Two summers hence I’m still loving my men’s shorts.

When I was 10, I remember vowing, “When I get married, I’m ALWAYS going to dress up for my husband.”

Instead, I dress just like him!

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Comments on: "Secrets of a Boomer Fashionista – Part 3" (51)

  1. I have the opposite figure – not quite a wasp-waist, but certainly pants that fit the hips will no way fit the waist. So imagine MY surprise when Hubby came home with a $7 pair of blue jeans for my rock collecting pants. Fit better than anything I could buy from the women’s department!

    So, yeah, there are days when he and I dress exactly alike from the waist down. I do, however draw the line at buying matching shirts, in spite of his suggestion that we do so!

  2. I was a little scared when I saw the title in my inbox, but I figured I could take it 🙂 I will add that my wife is petite but I’m not saying anything about any part higher than her ankles lest I get in serious trouble. She did find that when she needs work boots (garden, yard work, snow removal) that the Boys department is a better place to buy them. I think that’s about all that I can add, other than to say this was another amusing post and a great way to start the day.

    • Courageous (reading) AND wise ( ankle comments only) 😎
      You just gave me an idea – need long pants and think men’s dept except know I’ll have to pay for shortening the hems. Perhaps I’ll scour boys’ dept – might find large enough size with shorter legs.

      This is beginning to sound like hours in the store and dressing room (yuk) but once I find something and “buy five” I’ll be set for winter!

      Thanks for your visits and support. Much appreciated !

  3. Hey, if they fit, go for it! They’re probably cheaper than women’s clothes too. And I’m with you–the hubs and I will never be twinsies. 🙂

    • :-). Plus I’ve found the fabric quality and sewing of seams, etc. is far superior in the men’s department .

      Thanks for all your comments and visits 😘💕

  4. This made me giggle – again! I haven’t gone down the men’s trousers route (though long ago I used to wear men’s Levis because they didn’t make them for girlie figures then), but I do wear men’s jumpers (I have long arms) and a rain jacket! Got fed up with ladies sizes in outdoor/sports wear only going up to a size 16 (UK) which I am sad to say is a little too tight for me nowadays. Do manufacturers really believe that only skinny women like to partake in an active life? Oh, and I’ll probably shoot myself (or the OH) the day we step out dressed the same 😆

    • That’s been the lament of my athletic buddies and me for 10 years – the stores specializing in quality activewear assume all athletes have 20-30 year-old-active bodies.

      They are missing a huge market – at least here in Colorado. We have to settle for department store sportswear and it is SO NOT what we want or need. Very frustrating – i need a new pair of padded bike undershorts and dread going to REI and being humiliated by the implication that my butt’s too big for riding! It’s only going to get bigger if I have to stop riding cuz I can’t find appropriate gear!!

      Glad to see you have your priorities straight on those matching jackets 🙂

  5. Admit it, you know you not only wanted to dress like hubby, you always secretly were a cross-dresser (that’s why I like you so much!!!) OK, not funny, but your story is. I like your creativity. I say, if you find something you are comfortable in, then who cares what side of the store (thus revealing my own hatred of multi-level department stores) it comes from?

    Love,
    E

    • LOL. Another Sammy Secret unmasked – cross dressing. At least Mom can’t be scandalized ‘cuz I doubt she knows what that means 🙂

      Yup, comfortista is the new fashionista.

      Thanks, Elizabeth. Hugs 🙂

  6. *sigh* I hang my head again knowing that I seem to be the only one who will be deviating from the crowd.
    Husband and I are runners and cyclists. When we were both racing Ironman (I’ve since come to my senses), we were often dressed the same in ‘kits’ from various races or from our training team. Thankfully they weren’t in pastel colours. I’m a bright colour kind of person. Beyond that, our taste in clothes is too radically different to even consider dressing the same.

    Since you brought it up, I’ll confess that I too discovered the joys of men’s underwear. For me it was while wearing skirts and dresses in the summer time. Men’s ‘snug’ boxers are amazingly comfortable and cool. Why don’t they make something like that for women? … and no, spanx are WAAAAY too hot.

    • Iron-people!! Whoa – you warriors can wear anything you want to!! Anywhere, any time 🙂

      And athletic or activity-specific matchers are always acceptable ‘cuz everyone wears similar gear.

      We played golf last week with a much younger couple and the woman – i kid you not – was dressed in Batman gear and was wearing electric blue shoes. And she smoked cigars! It was surreal ! At least her partner wasn’t in a matching costume.

      Now that I know you’re recommending men’s line for the “inner me” I’m going to try some because there are some made of the cooling fabrics that I don’t see in women’s choices. Thanks!!

  7. Glad you solved your clothing fit problem, Sammy. 🙂 I’ve worn boy’s running shoes (size 6=women’s size 8), because the width was more comfortable, as well as some of hubby’s sweaters (I like them baggy). Haven’t tried his underwear, but you’ve given me a good idea there. My parents wore track suits too, but not matching ones. Mother had the pastels – not my taste either. LOL I doubt hubby and I would ever choose matching tops, but we both wear jeans most of the time. This whole fashionista series was such a hoot! Thanks for the laughs. 😀

    • LOL thanks, Debbie for your compliment. Trying humor (even though it comes naturally for me) was a tad risky, not knowing if readers would enjoy it. This series seems to affect most people since we all have bidy and aging issues.

      Fashionista Finale coming soon 🙂

  8. Another funny post! I’m still laughing from the last one. It shouldn’t matter what clothing department you shop from. Whatever works! 🙂

  9. Oh my gosh, you are my new best friend. I bought my hubs a pair of shorts that were on clearance at Target last week. They were a tad tight so I was going to return them today. After reading your post, I tried them on. They fit nearly perfectly; I just need to take them in a bit in the waist. They even look more tailored then the women’s shorts I was wearing. Score!

  10. My sister-in-law wears men’s shirts all the time, partly because she likes the colors available in the men’s department better. So she and my brother sometimes unintentionally end up wearing matching shirts (and I laugh when that happens). I suspect that when they’re old they’ll go around in matching olive green jackets.

    • LOL yes, exactly and some young whippersnapping blogger will think they’re married and write a rant about MATCHING olive jackets!!

      Thanks so much for joining the fun:-)

  11. I’m with you, except I go to the young men’s department. Great way to save a lot of money and to get a good fit.

  12. Oh, try men’s athletic armless t-shirts. They’re snug and sexy.

  13. You crack me up, Sammy! Love it!

  14. “Why do men’s butts get skinnier and women’s get wider as we age?” LOL I would love to know.
    Thanks for the entertainment, Sammy.
    A toast to your Fashionista Coup!! 🙂

    • :-). I’ve googled that question and neither Google nor Siri have an answer, but Siri sounds as pissed as I am that it happens 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by – glad you got a laugh or two.

  15. Sammy,
    Oh how I love your stories. 🙂 And I agree about men’s pants, there seems to be less variance between designers/brands than with women’s’ pants. (especially with the change in rise trends…yikes) Can’t go wrong if it works! Cheers 🙂

  16. lol, very funny. I will confess to wearing hubbys jeans! x

  17. I loved this post, (and the last one as well!)
    Despite clinging to my curvy and pattern-clad fashionista ways, I have been known to cast a longing glance and the rugged and roomy sweatshirts in the menswear department. I just might have to sneak in there sometime …
    (And I’ll have you know that your thoughts on the practicality of men’s clothing on women gave me some much needed momentum on my WiP 🙂 )

  18. Hah! Whatever works!
    I had to wear my husband’s boxer briefs due to bed bug infestation at a hotel. It’s a story for another time.
    We won’t be matching, either. My parents do though. Often in golf clothes and swishy-suits, hm?
    As my godmother said, my dad looks like a goddamned Easter egg, and everyone LOL’d and LOL’d. I think it’s the sun that makes him choose pastels, reflecting the Florida sun.

    • Yeah if Hub starts picking out Easter Egg colors I’ll have to divorce him!

      Yikes – i don’t want to hear about that bedbug infestation ‘cuz I’m in a different hotel each night for next 9 nights. Ackkk

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